Saturday, 7 November 2009. Rainy. rev 010

Dear Blog Hoppers,

Good bye.

There's so many reasons I've decided to leave this space (again). This space has too many negative energies, so I'm going out on a new journey. And I realised that I'm sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. Bad feng shui.

I'm in search of true happiness. I need to work on a few aspects of my life: family, love, wealth, and friends. This year is ending soon (isn't it too early to say that??). This year, many events and people have come into my life and showed me that life can be beautiful. I've made new friends, and knowing them let me sort out my thoughts and emotions. I'm really glad to have them as friends. Be it online or real life.

I'm in search of new female friends. A conversation yesterday was like a spear pierced through my heart, it made me realise that the female friends I met have very similar personalities, and ideas. Their ideas of a partner are the main causes of my confusion and lack of confidence over love and relationship. The guys they fell for are guys that I will never be. But don't get me wrong, they're really nice girls. Then I realise, I don't know them very well, they are just people I hang out with.

Actually, I think she's right, I don't know her at all, and she don't know me either. A guy will never understands a girl totally, and vice versa. Understanding a person is not as simple as asking questions, because the answers to the questions might be lies, or careful words processed and filtered by the mind for their self-protection.

A friend is hard to come by, it's a very special spiritual connection. Friends will be friends forever. I will always prefer a friendship more than a romantic relationship. Maybe I will start looking for a romantic relationship when I start to feel lonely - after all my female friends got married.

For the one I love, I break down, I tried to be someone else, but nothing seems to help, so this is who I really am. I need to know what true love is, and I won't listen to anybody's definition, unless I think that person is in true love and happiness.

There are things out there as interesting than love, but instead of destroying my happy spiritual self, they enhance my mind and life: like playing bridge, feng shui, investment, business, gym.

I also need time to go for courses. Business, investing, fengshui, guitar and anything I find interesting.

I'm also learning to turn my failures and rejections and weaknesses into learning experiences: "there is no failure, only feedback". Instead of losing sleep and feeling ashamed, I can feel inspired and focused; Instead of procrastinating and getting caught up in small matters, I will focus on is important.

P.S. Tomorrow will be a better day.

XOXO & Yours Sincerely,
Jiawen